My connection to Faith And Reason Forum is a friendship with
Donna and Brian Morley through our church and The Masterís
College. I help with administrative tasks on the website such as
word processing and scanning. We share a love for our Lord Jesus Christ and a
passion for getting the Word of God out.
I didnít always have this passion. Although I grew up in a Christian home, attended
a wonderful church, and had a disciplined life, I struggled with depression in high
school and went to self-help books for answers. Because the books were written by
what I thought were Christian authors I trusted what they had to say. I became
hooked on reading books that explained my depression as caused by external
circumstances and others.
Blaming others and explaining away my troubles became a way of life. Through
college and for many years in marriage, I convinced myself that I was better than
others based on my work ethic. I thought that the circumstances of my life could
and should be changed to fit my own personal idea of how I wanted my life to be.
My life was a downward spiral of pain and conflict and God was pushed farther and
farther out of my thinking. I knew that God was the center of the universe, but I
was the center of my life.
My life consisted of periods of feeling good from my personal accomplishments to
feeling panicky and miserable in the relationships in my life. The Bible didnít make
sense any more and church was confusing.
Ten years ago, after our family moved to Seattle, I fell on my knees before God and
admitted that I knew I was miserable because I didnít know Him. I knew that I
didnít have the peace and joy the Bible promised because of my own soft and
untrained mind. I decided to take the time to know God even if I had to give up the
basic necessities of life like eating and sleeping to do it. I began a course of learning
how to understand the Bible. I asked God for the wisdom to understand what the
Bible truly meant.
This commitment led me to ask a friend at church to teach me how to study the
Bible. I began a program of seriously reading the Bible, reading books that
explained the Bible, memorizing and listening to sermons on tape. Over the course
of several months, my desire to know God turned into an unquenchable thirst for
more understanding from the Bible. I experienced the ravishing desire to know God
that was like a baby screaming for more milk.
Although my panicky feelings did not disappear overnight, my mind became
stronger and stronger. I grew in my understanding and perspective on life in a way
that changed how I saw the world around me. One of the first elements of the
change in my own mind was the realization of my own sinfulness. I started making
things right in all the relationships that were grievous to me. I started confessing
everything large and small to everyone. The more I confessed, the cleaner I felt. I
began to leap for joy inside over the sense of being forgiven by God and others.
Understanding Godís Word helped me differentiate between my own sin and the sin
of others. I began a regular routine of personal confession before God and others,
then began to experience the exhilaration of forgiving others who sinned against
me. This, over time, not only lifted my depression, but filled my mind with the
peace and joy that the Bible promises to those who love God because of the
finished work of Jesus Christ.
Along with doing administrative tasks for Faith and Reason Forum, I work in the
Financial Aid Department at The Masterís College, as a Loan Processor. Iím married
to Bill Henderson and we have two children: Brian (Masterís college graduate, May
2006) and Kimi whose currently in high school. I want to give my life and talents to
a school where the Word of God is held as the highest standard for all of life. My
true joy is helping where I can with the administrative gifts that God has given me
in ministries that have the same passion for Godís Word that I have come to know.