GUARDING MY HEART

Brian Morley

After my first year of college, I accepted a summer job selling a family Bible study program and Bible encyclopedia. I was seventeen years old, and on my own away from home for the first time.

Selling door-to-door eighty hours a week, I discovered I was never alone but always lonely. I had to talk so much that for the first couple of weeks, I lost my voice by the end of the day. Natural community suspicion of a stranger at the door hardened to outright hostility because of articles in the local newspapers about door-to-door sales-people offering phoney products and committing burglaries. Even the police checked up on me from time to time. On the other hand, being tall, clean cut, and on the street all day, local criminals took me for undercover law enforcement and I was nearly beaten up several times.

In addition to the exhaustion, loneliness, and rejection, I wasn’t making any money to pay for school in the fall. However, I knew I was growing spiritually. I had accepted Christ the year before, and I knew my only hope of making it through was to stay close to God every day and to manage my inner life moment by moment. I decided that after learning all I could from anything that did not go well, I would not dwell on it, “forgetting what lies behind” (Philippians 3:24 NASB). Neither would I worry about anything future (Matthew 6:34). That allowed me to put all my focus and energy into the present moment in order to make the very most of it. I could then carefully control my every thought, making sure that it was scriptural, that my attitudes were right, and that my emotions were under firm control.

When God seemed far away, I would think over Psalm 139. When I felt I couldn’t keep going, I would remember Philippians 4:13. When tempted toward self-pity, I would follow Paul’s example during one of his miserable times in prison: he rejoiced in what was good, focused on others, and prayed for them (Philippians 1:4, 18). By guarding my heart moment by moment, I overcame discouragement and rejection.

Meanwhile, I kept myself encouraged by remembering that I was learning a great deal about people and communication, both verbal and non-verbal. I was getting better at understanding their needs, hurts, and coping strategies and was learning more about how to convince and motivate people. I knew those skills would help me a great deal in ministry; and so they have.

I did convince a number of families to buy and use the family Bible study plan, but I have little doubt that, by far, the greatest benefit of that summer was how it shaped me. I didn’t make a profit, but God provided for school. The mental and spiritual discipline of guarding my heart enabled me later to overcome many spiritual challenges and to finish three masters’ degrees and a doctorate.

Today I am still acutely aware of my inner life—not introspective or self-focused—just careful to let God’s word and His Spirit control my thoughts, attitudes, and emotions.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Taken from College Faith: 150 Christian Leaders and Educators Share Faith Stories From Their College Days. Editor: Alan Knott. (Berrien Springs, MI: Andrews University Press) © 2002.

Courtesy of Faith and Reason Forum

( www.faithandreasonforum.org)